Took my almost 13 year old (Kayden) shopping today.  We've been stuggling lately. Lots of "your so dumb mom" looks, and lots of, I want to clobber him, feelings, but somehow today that all went out the window.  The way he looked at me, the way he smiled at me and tried to start conversations, you would have thought I was his favorite person in the world.  To be honest I wasn't quite sure how to take it.

In the past every time we had gone even to Walmart to pick out a pair of shorts (forgive me) but he acted like a total moron, seriously.  He would stand there and wait for the close to walk to him.  I don't know what changed. . . . well actually I am wondering i=now as I write if it is simply that Ellie was not with us.

How could that be though?  He loves Ellie, why would he act so ridiculous when she is around?   . . .. Maybe he doesn't know how to outshine her (quite impossible for anybody to be honest), and so he just  . . . well he nothings. (Not a verb a know, but it's the best way to describe it.)

I don't handle it well at all.  A mother of 7, who homeschools, does all the books, bills, etc for a small business, teaches art classes, etc. etc. etc., time is NOT my friend, and I am very intolerant of "nothingness".
But today, today was wonderful.  Today he was the boy I love, the boy I love to talk to, and listen to.  I love to teach and learn from him.  Today it was like the whole world disappeared, all our past frustrations completely poofed.

Journal remind me, remind me how much he needs personal, one on one, time.  With no one around at all, especially Ellie.

Thank you Father in Heaven for a beautiful day, a wonderful experience that will not be easily forgotten.  Thank you for giving me my boy, my friend, my son, at least for today.